what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
