I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
