I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
