look no pants
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
