this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
