I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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