like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
