you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
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I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
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When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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