She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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