after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
