he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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