ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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