ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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