I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
