Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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