Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
