Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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