I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
