There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
