grandma shit on top of the toilet
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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