apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
