My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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