So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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