My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
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His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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