is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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