Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
