you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can feel your judgement through the phone
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize