She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think i have two assholes
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
