I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
