A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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