He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
