we're chasing vodka with high fives
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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