Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
