Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
