i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
