I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
