i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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