Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
