Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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