I CAN MOONWALK!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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