Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
