just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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