When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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