If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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