Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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