Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
