The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
