I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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