everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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