guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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