I want to stick my p in your. b.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
