so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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