JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
