8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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