Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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