If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
