i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
sex in a hospital.. check
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
