I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
