On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
