He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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