I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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