I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
