Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
