Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
