In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
