Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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