why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
