Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
