Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
