I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
