I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
